Friday, November 18, 2011

Occupy Injustice?

*Ahem* I would like to add another voice please?

These Occupy protests are everywhere, and I don’t know how to feel about them.  I look on the news and see people who are angry, but don’t know what about.  They march and hold meetings, but they mostly just rant without goals.

However.  When I read the postings on the 99% website, my heart is broken.  These are people who are educated, who have the best jobs they can get, who just want to be able to eat and pay rent in the same week.  They have to choose between medical care and a roof.  This is not ok.  It’s not just, it’s not fair, and it does make me mad.

I don’t agree with the way they’re trying to affect change, but golly gee whiz, I sure do relate to them.  I read an article recently that said the problem is that this generation is forced to delay their lives, and I thought- “I know those people.  I am one of those people!”

I know too many people who had to move back home after college because they couldn’t afford student loan payments and rent.  I know too many people who took bad jobs because that’s all there is left. 

We’re all delaying marriages and cars and houses and babies and yes- lives because we know we can’t afford them.  And the thing is, for us to make any other decision would be irresponsible.  I refuse to have a child I can’t support.  I refuse to buy a car I can’t pay for.  But the government and the American society keep pushing us to do these things, so I feel bad when I make healthy choices.

I’m not mad at the banks.  I’m glad they keep my money for me and pay me interest without charging me fees (choose good banks, people! Investigate before you give them your money!).  I’m not even mad at student loan companies.  I approached them to borrow money, and without them, my education would have been impossible

However… charging 12% interest on a loan seems a little unfair, doesn’t it?  Charging a fee for being proactive and paying your loan off early seems unjust, right?  There’s just something wrong with foreclosing on a house when there are 4 children inside, isn’t there?

I certainly don’t have the answers.  I know that this little family is being aggressive and trying to get rid of these debts so we CAN get on with our lives.  I know that I won’t ever borrow money again, except maybe for a house.  I know that I want these people to get justice, but I just don’t know what that looks like.

So for now, I’m just sitting with the rest of the world, watching to see what happens.  It feels like all I can do.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Confession #2

Friday was dear sir H’s birthday (11/11/11, I know right??).  I wanted to make it extra special for several reasons.  1. It’s his first birthday as a married man. 2. It’s his first birthday away from his family. 3. It’s his first birthday in his favorite state. 4.  I think birthdays are the best invention ever and I love being over-the-top excited about them.

Before I go on, let me tell you a little secret.  It’s not one I’m proud of, but because the first step is admitting I have a problem, I’m taking the leap.

I am sometimes one of those wives.  You all know the ones I am talking about: that horrible stereotypical wife who just lives and breathes simply to nag their husband and make his life miserable.  You had a great day at work? Oh, well that’s funny because you didn’t wash the dishes like I asked you and therefore my whole day was ruined and I will ruin yours as well.  Recognize her now?

I know, I know, you are all shocked.  You thought I was this sweet as honey little housewife who inhales sunshine and exhales rainbows, but I’m not.  And though I joke, I really can’t stand myself at these times.

So here I was on Friday, and I caught myself many times biting my tongue or taking deep breaths to keep myself from saying things that were hurtful, rude, or just plain unnecessary.  I worked so darn hard all day at being uplifting and encouraging and loving toward my spouse, and I think he had a really great day!

Then all weekend, I’ve had this little thought that keeps poking at my brain, begging to be heard. Why in the world can’t it be his birthday every day?  Am I really going to treat him well for one day, and then go back to business as usual?  And most of all, why was it so hard for me just to be nice to the person I love more than I ever thought possible?

So I’m going to add another task to the I-wrote-it-online-so-I-have-to-stick-to-it list. I want to learn to love my hubbity-doo-da better.  Way better.  Like, so much better people will wonder what happened.  I want to speak well of him, to his face and behind his back.  I want him to feel loved and encouraged all the time, not just on his birthday! 

I’m not sure how to go about this exactly, but it’s out there.  Ready, set, GO!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Getting Better With Time

Last weekend, the hubana and I saw Crazy, Stupid Love at a local theater.  The movie is about a man whose wife asks for a divorce.  He moves out and ends up crossing paths with a classic Don Juan who tries to teach him how to play the dating game.  The movie was actually a lot better than I expected, and by the end, I had tears streaming down my face.  For those of you who know me well, this is not an unusual occurrence.  I once cried at a Wal-Mart commercial.  It is what it is.

So as the lights came up at the end of the movie, I was frantically wiping my face with every inch of dry fabric I could find while people flooded past out the doors.  There were many a raised eyebrow or a too-long look, as I’m sure my entire face was puffy and red and screaming I JUST CRIED DURING A STEVE CARRELL MOVIE!

I was super embarrassed.  I did the classic “hiding behind the hair” move as well as generally just staring at the floor instead of other people.  But on the way home, amidst my poor hubby’s comments of “Umm that movie really got to you huh?”, I started thinking.

I don’t want to be embarrassed that I am emotional and feel things deeply!  I have been this way ever since I was a kid, and I have always felt people were waiting for me to “grow up” and not act that way.  And as you can see by my last post, I am getting pretty tired of feeling like I have to change in so many ways in order to grow up.

So in light of these thoughts, I want to share a list of things that I hope I never give up, no matter how “mature” I get.

  1.       I hope I NEVER stop crying during movies.
  2.       I hope I never stop crying during country songs. (Sensing a trend? Don’t judge me.)
  3.       I never want to stop feeling icky inside when people swear.
  4.       I never want to stop singing in the car at the top of my lungs.
  5.       I hope I never stop dancing... alone, with friends, in the shower, ever.
  6.       I hope I never stop dreaming about what I want to be when I really grow up.
  7.       I never want to stop remembering all the stupid things I’ve done so I don’t start to feel too proud.
  8.       I hope I never stop sending my better half ridiculous pictures while he’s away (or while he’s right next to me on the couch).
  9.       I hope I never stop wanting to be better and love harder.
  10.   Aaaaand, I hope I never stop doing slightly insane things like giving each of my stuffed animals a spouse and having imaginary conversations in the mirror. 

What do you hope you’re still doing when you’re all grown up?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

*Blink* We're Adults!

There are very few disadvantages I have found to getting married at a young(ish) age, but there is one that nags at me again and again.

Getting married sort of shoves you into adulthood whether you wanted it or not.  I spent over 3 years of my life getting to know my beloved before we tied the proverbial knot, and I maintain that we were totally ready for marriage.  But as soon as we got back from the honeymoon, it was like a switch had been flipped in our minds and our lives.

We were ready, man.  We were ready to own furniture and live on our own together and get real jobs and take exotic vacations and buy fancy cars and a fancy house.  For one whole month, I let this mindset completely take over.

Us newlyweds over here had very little to call our own, and of course what we did own wasn’t good enough (we’re adults, remember?), so it got tossed.  Time to start fresh!  We moved across the country, bought all new furniture and appliances, ate out every day for the first week, and sighed with happiness as we climbed onto our (new!) mattress laid perfectly on our (new!) bed under warm (new!) sheets.

Then reality struck.  I had a minor meltdown (which sir husband man is used to thankfully) and sat down with him for a Talk with a capital T.  Since then, we have had to seriously re-evaluate our preconceived notions of what marriage and adulthood looks like.

I know married couples aren’t the only ones who experience this, but I really do think we get hit a little harder.  People start asking about babies and homes and want to talk about mortgages and bills.  Our whole lives we get fed this sneaky little lie that we deserve better, and we’ll get it at some magical point.  For me that point was marriage.  

So I’m putting it all down in writing, so the whole blog world can hold me accountable!  Yes, someday we would love to have a house.  But when I really think about it, I don’t even want that responsibility right now.  Yes, some far-off day we will probably want to have kids, but the thought of them right now makes me want to pass out.  A better car, of course!  A better job, definitely!

But I am vowing to be patient with these things, and be happy with where I am in life.  I absolutely L-O-V-E being married, and look forward to so many things we can share together in the future.  And in this month of Thanksgiving, I want to say I am so incredibly thankful for:

-My car that is 15 years old with no air conditioning and ripped seats and peeling ceiling that is PAID FOR.
-Our little apartment that could use a teensy bit of storage but it perfect for our budget and perfect for our things.
- All the new things we were able to buy that will (must!) last us a long, long time.
- My job that I’m not crazy about but which allows us to pay extra each month on our student loans.

What’s not to love in a little charm and a whole lot of hope for the future?